WARNING: People with high blood pressure or ulcers should not read this column.

Let’s talk taxes, shall we? I am qualified to discuss this subject because in addition to all my other talents, like being able to juggle and do quadratic equations, I am also a CPA. That’s right, I’m a member of the Cow Punchers Association (CPA) who get together on a semi-regular basis to eat a tax deductible lunch and cuss the IRS.

I’m qualified to discuss and cuss taxes because in 45 years of paying them I’ve only been audited once by the IRS. And after that audit the IRS actually sent me a check for $500 that I overpaid. I became immediately intaxicated; that’s the euphoric feeling one gets when he or she gets money back from the IRS.

I’m really glad that National Emancipation Day has come and gone. That’s the day every year when you quit working for the government. It’s calculated by the Tax Foundation and in 2019 it was April 16. According to the Tax Foundation the average American will spend 42 days just to pay state and federal taxes, 29 days to pay Social Security and Medicare, 11 days paying property taxes, 13 days to pay the interest on the national debt and 14 days for national defense. That’s the equivalent of 109 days per year to pay all your taxes! Another way of looking at it is you’re working every Monday just to pay state and federal income tax. In a normal eight hour day nearly three of the hours are spent working for the government.





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