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IT’S THE PITTS

My environmentalist neighbor has a real dilemma on his hands. He spent a wad of money covering the roof on his house with solar panels to generate enough electricity to power his house, lower his electric bill and advertise to his green buddies that he’s selling power back to the detestable electric utility company. Instead of paying a bill every month he actually expected to get money back from the bankrupt power company that provides our power. That was the theory anyway. Needless to say, it’s not working out exactly as planned.

The problem is that since purchasing the house 20 years ago he’s planted milkweed for the Monarch butterflies, ripped out his lawn to save water, removed all fences so the invading hordes of deer would have free roaming and planted a row of pine trees for nesting birds. I think he was trying to win the “Big Greeny Of The Year Award”. The problem is the row of trees he planted have grown so tall they’re now covering up his solar panels so he’s not even generating enough power to heat his hot tub, let alone get a hot check from the power company every month.

My neighbor is a new age wing nut and limousine liberal with a few sunflower seeds missing from his trail mix, if you get my drift. I hardly ever see him outside and when I do I must hide my eyes because he’s kind of a nudist who goes around wearing nothing but a goofy smile and his underwear. To prevent encounters with the guy I told him that I’d already killed 5 rattlesnakes this year and he didn’t come out of his house for three months.

 

 

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