Women’s Suffer-Age

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By LEE PITTS

IT’S THE PITTS

If I was a woman I’d be a radical feminist and darn tired of sick jokes like, “My wife ran off with my best friend and I miss him.” Or, “women have smaller feet so they can stand closer to the sink,” or a sign on the door of a hardware store, “Gone to wife’s funeral. Back in half an hour.”

Women have long been oppressed. In the 1400s a man was allowed to beat his wife as long as the stick he used was smaller in circumference than his thumb. That’s where we get the phrase, “as a rule of thumb.” And listen to Napoleon Bonaparte’s feelings about the fairer sex: “Nature intended women to be our slaves... they are our property; we are not theirs. They belong to us, just as a tree that bears fruit belongs to a gardener. What a mad idea to demand equality for women! Women are nothing but machines for producing children.”

It’s only been in the last 100 years that women have been looked upon as anything other than baby-sitters and house cleaners. James Fargo, brother to the founder of American Express said, “When the day comes that American Express has to hire a female employee, it will close its doors.” If I was a woman I think I’d tear up my American Express card upon hearing that.

 

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