Identity Crises

By LEE PITTS

There are many pros and cons of being me. The pros are I have a wonderful wife and a wonderful life, while my biggest cons are a sickly body and a terrible name. A person's name is like a Knight's crest, a blue blood's coat of arms and the convention badge you wear that says, "Hello, my name is." While you may be proud of your name and write it with a big fat Sharpie marker, I write mine small and in fine point. You see, Lee is not my real name. It's bad enough but my real name is Leland. There, I've said it. Now the whole world knows my darkest secret. (I never could keep a secret.) The only people who've ever called me Leland were a couple aunts and my mom when she was really mad at me and called me all three of my bad names, as in, "Leland Warren Pitts, did you spill chocolate milk all over that cloth rocking chair I just finished upholstering?"

 

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